The Darkness in Me ( A True Story)
As a little pudgy child with dark skin and wild unkept hair, she would scamper in and out quite freely in a light cotton frock. She was unmindful of all watchful eyes and often would get rebuked and laughed at for her skin colour. ” Hey you are so dark ” said one scornful voice while another said your mother must have drunk a lot of tea and that’s why you look like black tea”. Somehow it made no sense to her for she would run to the only best friends she had, the flowers in the garden. She would talk endlessly to the roses, the pansies and the lilies who never judged her who smelled sweet as her chattering grew, but the darkness in her decided to stay on.
The darkness always crept around her when she would go to her room to spend some time alone by herself. It would appear like shadows creeping across the room, so she never would keep quiet. She would sing to herself, ” I saw that black motor car, come across to me! Go that little motor car far away from me.” No one understood her mumbling rhymes and she would get severely scolded for singing the nonsensical rhyme late into the night while others tried to sleep.
However morning always came bright and the flowers bloomed and she would run back to talk happy things to her friends. Yes it was odd to see her sing about that black motor car in the night and yet chatter happily to Rosie or Pansy her bright best friends. ” Hey Rosie how do you do? Miss Pansy hope you are fine too!”
Even today when that black motor car comes during the day she does happily chatter but in the night she needs to sing herself to sleep to forget that dark black! The sun does appear and so does her bright smile, the frightened one is brave again, maybe with real friends this time and with real high time moments. She knows now if that horrid black car will come along others will come too, bright white, red and yellow even! She can sing now about all other cars too, ” that red one will come to steal my little heart, with yellow roses we will never part! The darkness in me does fade away, within the white light of the day!
I know now as a grown woman, darkness will never reign supreme, for I still believe in my sweet smelling best friends. My darkness today defines me and my beauty!
Very interesting 🤔
Thanks kanna
Dear Gouri
I am reminded of William Blake’s The little black boy! And what his mother tells him… God’s made ’em in His shadow! All the children when play in heaven… the black child with white soul and the white child with black soul!… who’s God’s fav…WE ALL KNOW!
How nice
Dear Gouri, Frankly speaking, I first had no idea why this story and where it was going. But as one reads on, one gets mesmerised by the description of how a little girl has been coping with these dark feelings throughout her childhood. And when, in the end, this little story is to be understood as a little sharing of your own existence through the years, it is really moving.
Thank you for sharing!
How nice doris
I really liked how the flowers were your best friends when things were hard. Your story shows that we can turn dark moments into something bright and beautiful
thank you memories bring so much joy
So eloquently expressed Gouri. You are an inspiration. More power to you ❤️🤗
It is your unique persona which emerged smiling, energetic, talented Gouri because of the darkness in you..
Thank you so much
Gouri, what a beautifully written memory. It’s both heart rending and uplifting at the same time. It just makes me want to hug that beautiful little girl!
So beautifully written, Gauri. Reminds me of that famous song by Tagore – ” Krishnokoli ami tarei boli…Kaalo…shey jotoi kalo hok, dekhechhi taar kalo horin chokh…
( I call her Krishnokoli – the dark flower. Dark? Black? …well she may be dark, but I only saw her beautiful black doe eyes…)
You have achieved so much. Wishing you the best in everything you do.
I can so emphathise, and can even relate to what you are sharing, Gouri. Felicitations for your evolution and kudos to your self-development.
As a dark-skinned South Indian growing up in a west Delhi locality full of north indian business families, I somehow knew from a very young age that I needed to create and trust my own self-image. To have my own definition of beauty and good looks, which validated me. And I learnt to hold onto that, despite any of the \”noise\” around me that might say anything else. My mother\’s love, indeed both my parents\’ unwavering belief in my natural apprearance, and my personality – telling me I was all fine and indeed less than none, always boosted me through my childhood. Their support, their wisdom and their balanced view of the world helped me recognise and ever cherish my own beauty, both inner and outer. And to appreciate and take joy in the uniqueness of my looks too.
Yet I do feel that amongst us Indains as a whole, this hangup about skin colour still persists as a perennial, shameful hangover that many are still unable to shake off. I can only pray that the coming generations are feee of this strange, stupid bias. Or any other similar ones.
Self worth is primary
Wow what a heart touching response. Thanks Sir
Beautiful and deeply relevant for all. A story of immense courage
Well described! A journey of self growth – from feeling inferior( feeling of darkness) to feeling confident in your own skin, in who you are , rather than what you look like!
It is lovely knowing you dear Gauri!
Much Regards
Gauri, the darkness is like a bully. It could overwhelm the little girl. But the flowers have also grown with the little girl. Grown in profusion all around you and hopefully always with you. Radhika
thanks so much